?Rhyme, but no reason, for bishop’s donation

A reader had a sad refrain/

But did not wish to write it plain./

And so with Seuss-like zeal did deign/

To craft a query in quatrain./

 

 

He (or she) wrote:/

 

 

“Mr. Montini, could you explain,/

“Is the Phoenix Catholic Diocese insane?/

“While poor folks here are full of pain/

“Our church sends 50 grand to Maine?/”

 

 

I respond:/

Rhyme, but no reason, for bishop’s donation

A reader had a sad refrain/
But did not wish to write it plain./
And so with Seuss-like zeal did deign/
To craft a query in quatrain./

He (or she) wrote:/
“Mr. Montini, could you explain,/
“Is the Phoenix Catholic Diocese insane?/
“While poor folks here are full of pain/

“Our church sends 50 grand to Maine?/”
I respond:/

jpg  Yes, Bishop Olmsted did ordain/
That he would help his friends in Maine/
Who needed money to maintain/
Their anti-married gays campaign./

In Maine a state law did proclaim/
That any Dwight could marry Dwayne./
The church held this view in disdain/
And sought the old laws to retain./

To win that vote they had to gain/
Some riders on their money train./
Our bishop from his vast domain/
With cash did shower them like rain./

Fifty thousand dollars came/
From Phoenix all the way to Maine./
And helped the churches in their aim/
To bring the old rules back again./

Meantime, OUR state is full of pain./
The governor has made it plain./
State services we can’t maintain./
The budget crisis is to blame./

While politicians play their game/
The poor are going down the drain./
They need assistance that’s humane/
Their meager lifestyle to sustain./

By sending money off to Maine/
The bishop seems to make the claim/
That poor folks here eat quiche Lorraine/
And wash it down with fine champagne/

What does Phoenix have to gain/
From shipping 50 grand to Maine?/
Can one stake a moral claim/
When politics is made to reign?/

Politicians are the bane/
Of everything that’s good and sane./
Do not Christians in the main/
Avoid the secular and vain?/

It seems a little inhumane,/
Less like Abel, more like Cain,/
To send money with the aim/
Of changing policy in Maine./

But bishops like old monarchs reign,/
Each one a little Charlemagne./
Parishioners cannot constrain/
Their spending habits or terrain./

A reader can to me complain/
With four lines meant to entertain./
And I can rack my little brain/
To rhyme her back in the same vein./

But rhyming doesn’t change the game./
And rhymers cannot be profane./
The bishop here sent cash to Maine./
All we can say is, that’s a shame./

E.J. Montini is a columnist for The Arizona Republic.

(Column for Dec. 22, 2009 Arizona Republic)

Thanks to John Chuchman

 

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